How to Support Grieving Youth

Grieving is a natural reaction to a death or other significant loss. Grief over the loss of a loved one is a process that is incorporated into the lives of survivors, forever changing their lives. The grief reaction to suicide typically includes expression of shock, disbelief, denial, anger, guilt and shame.

The suicide of a friend or classmate can cause a special form of grief for children and teens. Children and teens will need your help – provide them with information, understanding and comfort. Follow normal household routines as much as is possible. This can provide a sense of comfort and safety to a grieving child.

Children express their reactions to a crisis in different ways. Children and teens may show anger, get upset easily, want to talk, or withdraw to make sense of it themselves. Younger children may be more open about their feelings than older children and teens.

The following lists provide ideas for you as you support your child or teen.

Do:

Learn about the grief process
Reassure him/her that he/she is not responsible
Be absolutely genuine and truthful
Demonstrate love and respect by being attentive
Encourage talking about feelings and about the deceased friend
Listen, no matter what!
Offer to attend the visitation or funeral with a youth
Allow crying--perhaps lots of crying
Expect laughter--a sign of happy memories
Follow the lead of the “survivor” with patience and kindness
Offer opportunities for remembering; i.e., special events, birthdays
Expect that your presence may be important, while talking may be limited (“Silence is Golden”)
Share some of your experience with loss, but keep the focus on the person you are supporting
Help to identify others to talk to (i.e., minister, priest, rabbi or counselor)
Encourage expression of feelings by writing poems, songs, letters or making a scrapbook.
Believe in healing and growth

Avoid:

Giving a lot of advice
Arguing over trivial matters
Making moralistic statements about the person who died
Minimizing the loss
Discouraging or time-limiting the grieving process
Assigning new responsibilities right away

Always, when talking to children about suicide, be clear that suicide is never a solution to any problem.

Pay attention to changes in your child’s behavior being especially attentive to suicide warning signs. Anniversary dates may be times where increased vigilance is needed. If you have any cause for concern, don’t hesitate to seek support from a school counselor, pastor, therapist, or other helping professional.

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How to Support Grieving Youth