For Immediate Release
AUGUSTA - An investigation by the Office of Program Evaluation and Government Accountability (OPEGA) has revealed that the State House is ground zero for an imminent zombie invasion that may turn Maine into a post-apocalyptic, supernatural war zone, potentially damaging Maine's tourism-based economy just as spring arrives.
OPEGA identified the State House dome, recently considered by the Legislative Council for replacement, as a portal for the zombie invasion they believe imminent. Leadership of both parties convened in the Speaker's Office well into this morning to draft emergency legislation to protect Maine people from the walking undead who threaten to devour their brains and forever tarnish Maine's sense of place.
"I'm glad that we could put aside partisan differences and work together to move Maine forward during these troubling times," said House Republican Leader Ken Fredette (R-Newport). "Zombies are not a Republican or a Democratic problem."
The first measure agreed upon by Leadership was to reconsider legislation submitted by Rep. Dale Crafts (R-Lisbon) in the last term to allow firearms in the State House. The change in law, which is part of a comprehensive bill to address the zombie threat, has a 60-day sunset provision.
"It's really a commonsense measure to allow lawmakers and staff to protect themselves and to allow our zombie visitors to learn firsthand about our right to bear arms," said Assistant House Republican Leader Alexander Willette (R-Mapleton).
Other provisions of the emergency legislation include supplying all municipalities with enough salt to return roughly 100 zombies to their graves, career/technical training programs in zombie hand-to-hand combat to be offered at community colleges to close the zombie-fighting skills gap, and research and development funding for the development of a zombie vaccine.
"The zombie vaccination will not be mandatory," continued Willette. "That decision is best left up to Maine parents."
LD 3000, An Act to Create Jobs by Fighting Off a Zombie Invasion, was quickly printed in the Revisor's Office and approved by Legislative Council this morning. The bill is expected to receive a floor vote tomorrow morning.
"I have discussed the bill with Governor LePage, and he has promised not to veto it," said Fredette. "He will likely let it become law without his signature."
David Sorensen, Communications Director
Maine House Republicans
Tel: (207) 205-7793